I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
