so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
