I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
