whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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