eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
