Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo

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(704): View more from North Carolina

When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I hope im prettier

(1-828): View more from North Carolina

yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!

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(925): View more from California

no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car

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(319): View more from Iowa

Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother

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(620): View more from Kansas

Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM

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(376): View more from

Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?

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