next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
