If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
