So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize