I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
