Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
