I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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