I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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