omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
