I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
