a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Never joke about your clitoris.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
