I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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