I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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