Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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