So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
