Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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