You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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