Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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