but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
MIDGETS
????
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
