I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
