you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
