OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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