I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She said her name was "party"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
