The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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