did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize