Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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