Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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