And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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