Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
