I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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