I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
