I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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