I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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