my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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