i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
