Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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