I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
