I'm gonna have a badass scar
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
