Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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