Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
