Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize