I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
