I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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