Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
