You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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