so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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