i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
