Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
