Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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