Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
