Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He better not be in your backpack
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
