Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
