You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
