I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
